If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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