Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
