i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
