I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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