I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
