Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
