Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
