just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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