i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
