I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
