How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize