After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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