I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
