who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
