Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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