I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
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i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize