Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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