I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
