Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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