So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
