sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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