what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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