I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize