shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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