Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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