Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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