I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
