I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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