a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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