never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
