My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
