We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
