my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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