just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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