You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
