Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
