found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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