Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
