i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
