Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I look better un-naked...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
