I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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