My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You are a genius and a whore.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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