Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
