would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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