I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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