You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
