You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
