Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
