I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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