Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
