He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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