By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
