Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
