this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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