She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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