Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
