At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
