the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
