i permit you to call me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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