Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
