She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she peed on how many people?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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