he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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